First of all I want to give praises to my God...who makes all things new...My step dad's blog (theunderground88.blogspot.com) show love and check out his blog as well. I stay on him to write it so check it out. Check out my girl, Angel at A.Lebelle ... Anyways....to the writing...
I cannot sleep! These thoughts are driving me crazy. I have prayed, talked, walked and prayed, paced the floor from no rest and all this with no triumph of sleep. The thoughts, the memories, the constant reminders, ugh I want them all to leave. I am tired can't you see? Leave me be. I want a moment to myself a moment where the only thought that crosses my mind are joyful and less pain consuming. What is with all the thoughts! Why will you not leave my mind at ease?
A break down of the thoughts: lies, hurt, masks, hidden truths, activities, desires, happiness, and flashbacks. It is turning into a eternal down pour of nothing but issue after issue. I cannot deal with all of this on my own, but when I stretch out my hand I hear nothing, but a correction that needs to be made. Why is it when i come to you all I hear is you need to change, you have a problem with yourself? What is so bad with me that I cannot get a praise?
I know that I will not get any rest until these thoughts get dealt with, but how can you deal with pain if you do not know the source of it? Who can seek out the source of your problem? There is only one I can think at this moment and He seems like the only answer. I need a prayer, maybe ten, to put this humpty back together again. I feel so mixed in pieces I do not even know what to say. venting is great, but if all I do is vent and let go what will feel the place?
I know that God is a comforter, I know His son Jesus came to heal and mend our hearts, and I know the Spirit is with me to help guide me, I just do not know what else I can do. I have been told to pray...I am ...I have been told to read.. I have... I have been told to pray some more... Haven't stopped...So all this time I am just waiting.
Don't take this as a sad time for me, I am fine nothing to worry about. It is just a time for me to rest and be assured that I will make it through these tough tasks. Sometimes we have to be our own cheerleaders! Even though we may have people who have our back (or as my DC would say) "in our corners", sometimes we have to be the pick me up. I have to be my cheerleader and motivator in order to make it through. Go Shacora Go! A big thanks to me..(As London would say) Yay Me!
Hope this was a blessing for you...Be your own Cheerleader!!
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