Ventilation System

I need to vent right quick on all the stuff in my mind. I have been told I'm a time bomb when it comes to letting stuff get out of my system. I tend to hold everything in until I cant take anymore and then "pop" my bubble burst and I hurt everyone in sight! Soooo let's get things started shall we...


1) Let's talk marriage: Ugh, it's still a "beautiful headache" as I like to call it. It is sweet and then bitter, it is loving and undesirable, it is...well you get my drift... I have been so used to having to only worry about me for a while that this sucks. Almost everything I do is thinking about him. washing dishes, cooking dinners, cleaning up the place, staying on top of finances (I've noticed men do not like to pay bills "on time"), and still going to work. I love him, but I want to strangle him too at times! I have heard from people, "you took the easy road by getting married" and "you still had plenty life to live why did you get married". Man, I am in a tug of war with all these arguments. I love him dearly, and I thank him for every moment, but sometimes (like right now) I just wonder. O and by the way have I mentioned that I've only been married 11 months..lol..


2) Now work: OMg!!!!! If it isn't woman hating and men wanting. I don't know what to do. I steady try to please, but at the end of the day I just want to get my work done and GO HOME! It's like each new day I get another enemy and another "enemy" friend. I don't know who to talk to, where to look for help, but I know I cannot talk to anyone there. "What happened to the good old days" a line from A.Labelle (who is also my friend Angelica Straw) which explains how her relationship has gone sour and she reminisces on the good times. What happen to the good people who actually cared! What happened to I'll do my job and helping each other out! I guess I'm just living in a dream world I need to get back to reality!


3) Finally Me!: So as I explained in my last blog I have dropped almost everything I was doing and took up listening to God. Well now it "seems" like the tables are turning and I might be getting into action again. I am working on getting into college so I can get my degree and get away from where I am! Also I am trying to get back in shape..when I tell you that I have been slacking...that isn't the half. I have gained weight to the point I can't fit anything. I have maybe 2 pairs of pants that I can actually "squeeze" into. I cannot figure out if I want to stay the way I am and buy new clothes, or work real hard and not eat all the foods I want and get back to my skinniness. ...another note...I have been getting visions of praise dancing again. It is crazy, but I have put that aside for now, too much heart ache. 

Well as you can see there is a lot on my mind right now and I cant help but think I am complaining like my ancestors in Egypt, who could not find a way to praise God because they did not have the luxuries like they did in the slave camps. I do not want to be a complainer I just want to express my thoughts before I burst. I love God and everything He is! I thank Him daily, hourly, and secondly..lol..I love Him so much sometimes I feel as if I'm cheating on my husband. lol He is my air and I am His child! ooowee I love me some Him! 
{I'm done...}